21 Jan The open communication I have had with my daughter has lead to exponential results
The open communication I have had with my daughter since before she was born has had exponential results.
Yet, I wasn’t doing what I have done – to have some sort of result that was going to tick a box.
I just did it, because it felt right.
Right from when she was a new born, my communication with her was everything. If I left the room for one moment, I would say to her, ‘Mummy is just going to the other room to get this for a second okay, I am right here’ – even when she was sleeping I would say this to her in my mind.
Because we do not know from what age that children begin understanding. Any parent will know and confirm that they may not be able to speak yet, but they understand what we are saying. At what point do they understand? That remains a mystery.
From my dear Kundalini Teacher, Vanessa, Adi Shakti Kaur, I learnt about Lotus Birth as she leant me a book by Dr Sarah Buckley and for this I am forever grateful. I didn’t manage to give Adaya a Lotus Birth as I wasn’t aware the Private Hospital would allow such and not having the sole confidence to birth at home, yet, with this knowledge I was able to keep her umbilical cord attached for longer than usual and was grateful for this at least! Next time, it will be a home birth, no doubt about that.
Due to reading Lotus Birth, it gave me more of an understanding of how the Soul of the Child comes in and combined with Natural Parenting, Unschooling and Aware Parenting have given me the tools to create a relationship with my daughter that everyone I first meet always comments on.
“You’ve got a bond with her, that I haven’t seen with other mothers”
“Adaya is such a ‘good’ child”
My response is always the same, “It’s the philosophies and parenting style”.
I tell Adaya everything.
In child’s terms. In a way she will understand. And when I say everything, I don’t mean everything every single little detail, but enough for her to understand and enough for her to be able to realise the truth in what she is feeling.
Because as a child, they feel it all anyway.
They feel the truth and many children – you can ask their honest opinion of the way you look right? Whereas an adult will say you look good regardless to not hurt your feelings.
As a child, they are so switched into the truth that when an adult lies to them, they feel confused – and believe the adult because as a child, you look up to, adore and want to be accepted by your main caregivers right? So a child will push away what they feel as truth and believe the world around them. Hence, my course Trust Your Intuition, a huge part of it is untangling what everyone has ever told you and TRUSTING what is right for you… no matter what anyone else says.
People say she is smart and beyond her years. Again, it is the style in how I have raised her to this point.
Yet, it is also the fact that I explain everything to her.
And that has started from “Mummy is just going to the other room to get this, I am right here.”
I haven’t left her side.
People say, ‘Oh, she needs to socialise, be with other kids.’
Yes, she sure gets that! Without rigid structures of 20 minute breaks of playtime with the rest of structured learning time.
She get’s to enjoy the freedom of playing with other children in complete unstructured time.
People try and hush their child or baby for crying when their adult caregiver has to leave them for the day. Crying is a good sign! It means they are connected to YOU. Honour this.
People try and hide and leave without their child knowing they have gone. Yikes! Abandonment plus! Let your child know you are going, that they are safe with such and such and that you will be back at this time and stick to it. Yes, tears come – because they are connected to you! Honour it! It won’t happen forever. You know, the blink of an eye thing. They grow up fast.
Whatever spiritual belief system you have and if you don’t, use nature. Use something. Get your child accustomed to a spiritual deity that they can be friends with, call upon and more. That they can create safety with. It could be Mother Earth. The trees. SOMETHING.
I remember when it was one of Adaya’s earliest sleep overs with a friend (they were a big deal, with her not having left my side other than with her Dad, at 7 years old). I remember her saying in the car on the way home, totally unprompted she said, “I was scared without you last night.”
“Oh, were you hun?”
I stopped the car and looked at her, “But I asked the angels to be with me”
“Oh, did you? Which ones did you call upon?”
“Archangel Raphael and a fairy”
“How did you feel then?”
“I went to sleep then” She replied and I felt so warm in my heart.
All these years, taking in what I have been saying and doing in my life and she did it without prompting.
The other hot topic is phones.
Oh she shouldn’t have a phone at such a young age.
Yet, I see what is happening and curious about what will happen.
With Natural Learning, she goes through phases if you will.
But I do to.
And me? I am an immersion learner. I like to – no, I get frustrated as F*&K! if I get interrupted of my current task! I get in flow, I find my groove, I get it done…. and get soooo agitated for anyone to interrupt me until I am finished damn it! Immersion learning – completely immersing yourself into a project/learning something until it is done!
As apposed to going to school and learning 10 different things in tiny segments and repeating that every day.
It is just a different style of learning. Note – I am not saying anything is good, bad, right or wrong here. Yes?
I have seen Adaya go through not wanting to wear girls clothes from a toddler, to turning 7 and like a switch, playing with barbie dolls and other ‘girls’ toys that she never once picked up when she was a toddler. It was all Thomas the Tank Engine, Cars, Motorbikes, Adidas, Nike and more. And, shorts and t-shirts. Nope, I barely got to have a toddler in those pretty little dresses. Because she didn’t WANT to. So I let her CHOOSE. I didn’t force my wants upon her to look pretty. She was anyway, no matter what she chose to wear. (You can read more about that here if you haven’t before: http://realityawareness.com/2017/03/15/the-concept-of-letting-my-child-do-what-she-wants-when-she-wants-seems-radically-outrageous/)
I see her with her iPhone 7. And I see family members and relatives get shitty, ring me and ask “Why isn’t Adaya answering her phone? I have been trying to call her?” Oh, she is playing. I reply.
They aren’t like us. Just because they have a phone, they don’t have this incessant need to have it glued to her side.
Toys are phases.
They are learning.
They are exploring.
And when restrictions are not placed on them, they are given the freedom to completely immerse in the thing, right to the end, so they know all about it, and how it works, what it does and more. And then the next phase comes in. Because they have explored that fully. They don’t need to go back to it consistently because they are still learning about it. They go back to it – because they want to.
Same with devices.
Yet, the attachment one will have to their device, usually depends on the restrictions put on them in the first place.
Like, don’t eat that sugar. So it is restricted. So any chance they get, they will choose the sugar every time.
I see Adaya have still candy canes in the cupboard and only the other day when we got back from our road trip I thought, right, perfect time to clean out the pantry whilst I am packing everything away and found jars of lollies that she had barely touched and I asked if she wanted to keep them. “No, I have gone off them”. So I chucked them out.
The thing about letting her choose fully, is that of course, she goes through phases and I am like, hmmm, is this too much? Then a couple of weeks later, she doesn’t even do or eat the thing anymore… TRUST.
The biggest part of this is TRUST.
Yes, I have restrictions in my home. I ask for help with the dishes, usually, for her to put them away in the morning when she wakes up. And I usually only ask her, when I am feeling overwhelmed, stressed and just need a bit of help and that tiny bit makes the world of difference.
Yet, the thing about this? Is that when she is feeling connected and loved by me, I don’t need to ask her to help. She just does it. She helps hang out the washing, because she wants to.
Yes, when I am needing more structure in my home routine, bedtime is 7.30pm.
But when the flow is there for me for work or otherwise, and she feels it too, she is up too.
I remember one night her wanting to stay up to finish her new Lego she had got that day. And she did, she stayed up until after midnight to finish it. “I just had to finish it mum.” “I understand honey”.
When given freedom, they don’t disappear.
They have the skills and capability to explore, until that need is done.
Yet, it is TRUST.
Trust they know when they are tired.
Trust they know what foods their body needs.
Trust they will learn what they need to learn and then will be done.
People have been freaking that Adaya hasn’t learnt to read properly yet.
Yet, I haven’t been freaking. I have been freaking on them freaking. Just. Calm. Down.
On our road trip, every sign, ‘Does that say such and such Mum?’ I was a bit blown away. Like, where did this come from?
Natural Learning, Unschooling, 9-9.5years is the standard age for a child to start reading – naturally. They just get it.
Like how your child just started to walk.
You didn’t teach them.
Sure, you might have held their hands for a couple of steps.
And then, just. Like. That. They are running 😉
Yet societies pressures make us do everything faster. Quicker. NOW.
The gift, is slowing down.
Remembering, that life is a precious gift.
And with your protection, guidance and TRUST in them, that they will get it. Because they cannot not.
Just like learning to talk.
They are listening. Always.
They are observing. Always.
They are taking everything in – you know, like sponges.
So be honest with them. Speak in child’s terms. Because they know anyway. Let them stay connected to their truth, their intuition.
And watch what they can teach you.
Love, Hannah xxx
P.S. If you are having troubles with your child and would like a free 15 minute phone/skype chat to see what we can do working together to help your situation, click here to book your Intuitive Sense Consult now: https://calendly.com/hannahrealityawareness
P.P.S. Wanting to know how you can have that inner strength to block everyone out and trust yourself? To stop listening to the voices in your head that you are doing it wrong and be able to just live your life the way you want to? In Calling In Your Soulmate – it is about Calling YOUR SOUL – so that your Soul can be your strongest guide and be able to fulfil your Life’s Purpose Mission to be able to do just that: https://realityawareness.lpages.co/sacred-manifestation