03 Jun I had a mini freak out… but then, I remembered WHO I AM
I had a mini freak out… but then, I remembered WHO I AM. I remembered where my POWER IS. I remembered my FOCUS. I remembered #ofcourse.
And the thing that made me smile?
Is that – I used to be in these freak out modes let’s call them – for MONTHS.
And this one? On Wednesday last week? Lasted about 2-3 hours.
And I pulled myself back up – and fast (compared to the months in the past!)
And it made me smile. It made me, realise how much love I am feeling for myself. It made me realise, just how much inner work I have truly done, to now be in this space.
To now be able to hold my own heart and give it all that it desires.
To now be able to support my life, the way I’ve always known in my heart possible.
To now be able to hold my current reality and higher potential #ofcourse reality at the same time and give rise to my higher potential as now and love both of them at the same time.
And it was THIS that pulled me up quicker than ever before.
And I KNOW that this has come from committing to everyday doing the inner work.
I know this has come from stretching myself beyond what other people would not even dare think about doing out of their comfort zone.
I know this has come from the absolute faith and trust and follow those Soul callings, that started back when I was first spiritually awakened back in 2005.
I know that this dreams are now becoming a reality – because I haven’t given up on them.
I have fallen down more times than I like to remember, I have been burnt, betrayed, abandoned, back stabbed and so much more.
And yet, here I am.
Rising, rising, rising.
Rising through the ashes baby.
And fuck it feels soooooo good.
Yet, I KNOW that this solid past 6-8 weeks has created the biggest shifts – because I have committed. AND because I CHOSE THAT NOW IS TIME.
What I freaked out about?
What I stayed in freak out mode for about 2-3 hours, instead of months about?
Was that my current reality is now starting to physically dismantle…. to allow the new to enter – physically. #soexciting #nowihadmyfreakout
I still have bouts of freak out – but I stay completely authentic with it – AND IMMEDIATELY REMEMBER MY POWER.
My Power of expanding my Heart into the space and allowing it to deeply hold me, allowing it deeply hold myself that is in this current reality and the freak out of it dismantling right before my very eyes.
What the freak out part is really about?
The stepping into the unknown.
Yet, I know right?
I have been journalling it, creating it, consistently for 8 weeks now (on the 5th June marks 2 solid months!) And the prior 18 months not everyday, but quite consistently during this time.
The sigh of relief, that through my Shadow Meditation yesterday morning, my ‘Dad’ turned up in the meditation – and he said, “Keep walking forward in the faith and trust like you’ve always done (and the vision of ‘the life I’ve always dreamed’ flashed through my mind that has been there since I was 21) it’s just now reality is shifting into what you’ve always known.”
“Structures are dissolving so that I can create what I originally came here to be!” – YES!
Sooo much information floods through me from my inner world – when I turn up and listen – do you? Listen to your inner world – DAILY? #powerfulmuch?
I realised through my freak out and my emergency sessions with my mentors this week – to help me hold the space for myself and what I know in my heart is happening – this unknown space that – is technically all this change is, that everything that is ‘structure’ and in place currently ‘holding me’ – is changing.
My external is changing – and that is because my inner world has changed. And now it is time that the external is dismantling, dissolving and the structures are changing – the key here – is trusting in the unknown.
Do you find it easy to trust in the unknown?
Or do you need a solid plan?
I have realised through this past couple of days of greatly shifting, that I have always needed something external to latch onto – and now? With what is currently dissolving and through powerful space holding from my mentor (Thanks Lois!) – I realised, that this powerful space holding, for myself, is all I need to do.
In this powerful heart expanded space, of EMBODYING what I have always known and now feeling so deep in my bones I am literally shaking my head in physical reality, double taking, as my reality – has changed so much already, because my internal world has shifted:
Because I chose it
Because I create it
Because I am choosing how I feel
Because I am choosing how I support myself
Because I am choosing who I have around me
Because I am choosing – to allow my heart to have EXACTLY what it wants (no questions asked!)
I now know and when I saw it and remembered my power – the difference between choosing to embody what I want and freak out mode –
Was that in my freak out mode, it was just because I didn’t have something to latch onto, something solid in the physical, as it all shifted and melded around me.
And the freak out needed something solid, something to…. control…
Yet, my POWER came back in, when I held my heart as my higher self, as my expanded heart, as my, higher vision that I’ve been embodying for so long hence reality falling away right now.
And the freak out stopped.
Because I chose my higher visions to come in underneath and hold my right now heart (thank you Lois for this brilliant analogy, that has helped me so much).
I chose what I’ve been embodying and I re-engaged that feeling, that embodiment.
And hence the freak out only lasting 2-3 hours.
Because when I choose the embodiment of what I want, feel, know and live, and I take that into the unknown, it gives the universe an opportunity to match that. (thank you Lois for this reminder that powerfully shifted me!) (that’s what mentors do right?😍)
If I chose to stay in freak out mode, then, the universe matches that.
Yet, I choose the embodiment of my soul’s desires – and only this, that I have been holding for quite some time now.
And in this, my heart is joyful, full, content and soo darn happy – and well, this is what we’re here to live for ain’t it? Joy? Life? Love?
What part of your Soul, are you not turning up for?
The Life Purpose Queen 👑
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