23 Jun Boundaries and Our Life School
I just flicked back through my calendar to find something and was a bit taken a back when I saw April and how FULL it was!! OMG! No wonder I have not been well! We’ve been run off our feet! Back at the end of April I was going through quite a few realisations in my personal relationships and then realised it wasn’t just about saying ‘no’ to one person – but to everyone and everything! GEEZ! Huge! And it felt like a big challenge. Saying no – how often do we say yes and wish later we had said no? People pleaser? Yes, I am a recovering one! And saying no is the hardest thing to muster.
Looking back on my calendar this morning it actually made me reflect on how far I have come… how far we have come. Adaya and I have been spending more ‘present time’ (which is a tool we call ‘Special Time’ that comes from Hand in Hand Parenting & Aware Parenting concepts which make the world of difference to the relationship with our children), this present time together has felt good!! You know, as a parent, we are so busy running around and like Adaya and I – we are with each other 24/7, yet, how much of that is actually ‘connected/present’? Special Time makes sure of that…. Anyway, I am getting side tracked!
This quote is exactly where we are at…
For the month of May it was about saying ‘No’. No to outings, to catching up with friends to anything that took me away from my priorities of life-schooling Adaya and honouring the time I needed to reconnect back with myself. No wonder I was feeling overwhelmed and no time for anything with the amount of activities we were doing. I know that my saying no to people has upset some people. I have let those closest to me know, it is nothing personal, it is just what I need to do right now, and those who know me, understand and respect that. Other’s, well that is a different story, but it is really none of my business. I need to do what I need to do for myself and my life, or no one will ever feel happy – because I am not. You know, if mother isn’t happy no one is? Nah! But kind of full of truth too! 😉 Help yourself and you help the world. If your cup isn’t full how can you help anyone else – or BE there for anyone else? Or CARE about anyone else? It is hard to put yourself first, but you either do – or you complain about how much you don’t have time for the things you want to do. So what shall it be?
This ‘space’ that saying no has allowed, has allowed some deep healing to take place. Much crying and releasing and healing over past relationships and hurts and you name it is has come up! I saw an awesome quote by Marion Rose the other day, about feeling overwhelmed and it was key and explains why since I have stopped, it has allowed space for the feelings to surface… and much of them….
As we arrive close to July, I have still be saying no to catch ups and outings and phonecalls and skype calls. Not that I don’t love the people in my life I have been saying no to, that isn’t what this is about. It is that I do love them so much that I need to put me first for a change and just let myself do what I need to do to get on with my life. May sound silly, but it has been a huge step for this people pleaser personality. Yep, me.
The other day, in our Life School journey, I said no to an outing with friends… and instead Adaya painted her shirt that has been sitting there for ages to do, we walked to our favourite local beach to only see Fairy Houses we’ve never seen there before and a Pilot Whale Calf that had been stranded on the sand due to a shark attack. Not something you see everyday, yet, this is Life School. Saying no, says yes to things you really want to do (and is usually those things you complain about you don’t have time for).