Boundaries, Empaths & Their Families

Boundaries, Empaths & Their Families

The hardest thing to do for a Highly Sensitive Empath is set boundaries - with their families! 

Of course, setting boundaries to start with at all is tricky, feels uncomfortable and not normal! 

However, the hardest thing a highly sensitive empath that is breaking the chain of abuse, emotional turmoil and the generational patterns of everything that hasn't been in true alignment - is setting boundaries with the ones they love! 

Now, you might think, 'Oh, I actually don't love them anymore with how much they have hurt me! I don't speak to them anymore because of this!"

And whilst that may be somewhat true - the reality is that your inner child inside of you is craving and desiring their love, affection, attention and acceptance. 

This is why inner child work is so important when facing the reality of your current and past situation - it is here, that the groundwork can really amplify and take you through it, rather than staying stuck in it. 

Setting boundaries - with anyone - can be mighty uncomfortable and more often than not - walking through feeling guilty when you say no and set a new boundary -is part of it! 

Don't feel guilty and then cave on your boundaries, for this is what makes you take on their energy even more - the guilt you're carrying - don't let that be the behaviour decider. 

Walk right on through it - meaning, feel guilty for saying no and continue on. 

The more you do it, the stronger you will become and the less guilty you will be. 

I always like to see people with their own Internal Compass guiding and connecting them or their own Guardian Angels guiding them - they have support - you are not their only support. 

The other part about this is that most of the time, highly sensitive empaths are told they are: 

• crazy
• shouldn't be doing what we are doing (no matter what it is, it is never good enough for them!) 
• told to not speak up and shut down when we are
• can't do anything right 
• shouldn't 'disrupt the family like this' 
• are blamed for everything

And usually step into the people pleaser role to feel good enough - but again, that never happens. 

The hardest thing for a sensitive empath is to walk away from such volatile situations. 

Remember - when you leave a space like this - you will have urges to re-engage (if you haven't read my article on This Is What Happens When You Cut Toxic People From Your Life - please do so here: https://www.realityawareness.com/blog/this-is-what-happens-when-you-cut-toxic-people-situations-from-your-life)

Let alone what we energetically cop, or physically and emotionally cop - this is the ripest conditions where you don't trust yourself - because you spoke up and then were shut down so many times and then you start doubting what is right for you. 

Most highly sensitive empaths are highly intuitive - well, all of them are! And most doubt themselves, don't have confidence in their gifts (or themselves!) and are scared to come out to the world - for fear of what their family (and others!) will think! 

We usually go back to unhealthy situations, are afraid to leave them in the first place and are wondering why they are so exhausted and feel like there is always so much pressure to tend to everyone else, leaving themselves until last and the cycle continues! #exhausting

Btw - if you are in a relationship where your 'job' is to 'heal them' - NOPE! You are not their Healer! You just haven't the courage to step into your healing work yet - hence attracting relationships that the other expects you to! THIS is draining being in a relationship like this! 

This usually occurs - because it is the only way we feel loved and validated - because that is what and how we learnt to receive love as a child. However, we always end up resentful, exhausted, angry, pissed off, 'behind in life', back to situations we know we should've stayed away from and have to now walk through the entire leaving process all over again... until one day something snaps and shifts and.... we don't go back ever again. 

And we start to say no and hold that ground - no matter how uncomfortable... because your purpose work becomes THE most important thing and you take the leap of faith and leave ANYTHING that is stopping you, dragging you down or pulling you away from your purpose work and only that..... then... you become stronger and stronger... easy? No. But it gets to a point where this becomes the only choice and you stick to it. 

It is here that really digging into being around people that have walked through it and are living it - to support you. Don't go back to your family or the friends that only take from you or drain you for advice when they are the ones that have been putting you down and pulling on your energy all this time! 

❤️IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO! AND STAY STRONG IN THAT!! ❤️

Usually at the start - you have to say no, over and over and over and over again! Just look at it like practise! 😉

Connect with them sure. Just don't share anything about what you're doing. Just do it and show them. Anything you share they will only shut you down anyway out of their own fears and life projections and to keep you small, so just keep the conversation on them and ask them questions about their life - and find your tribe and mentors you can share your crazy out there dreams with and be around these people that will lift you up, not tear you down. 

For me, it was and has been quite a journey learning this first hand! 

For the first 2-3 years online I was deeply excited and always would call home to share... until I wanted to go home and all the shit was brought to the surface! I copped phone calls that were abusive and tore me to shreds, not only that but my heart was ripped out and broken.... broken open maybe... but hurtful... gosh. It's like the worst and most excruciatingly painful thing to grieve your family when they are still alive! 😳

However, this is something I can see the bigger picture nowadays.. but it wasn't clear to me when I was walking through it. 

I see now, I had to grieve them that deeply to be able to let go. 

Not necessarily of the relationship. I always knew and still know that my 'not choosing to talk/engage much at all with them' is not forever and is 'how' I have got this far, by super limited contact with some and none with others - including friendships in my life. 

However, I also know that my grieving - wasn't so much.... of them... but of the delusion of the reality I had of them and the relationship between us. 

And perhaps of myself. 

And perhaps it is part of the waking up process. To realise you can never receive the love you need from anyone - let alone your own family. 

To realise that you are the only person in this world - that can give you the love, the affection, the acceptance, the self worth, the - all the things - you - you are the ONLY one that can do this for you. 

No one else. Not even your partner. Nor your family. Nor... anyone. But you. 

Whether you are in relationship or not - no one can meet your deepest desires and needs - but you. 

And when you enter this energetic realisation that deeply embodies, not just a knowing anymore, but you feel it at the core of your bones, this is when life really shifts gears. 

For me - having this time, enabled me to not only grieve, but to also see the reality of the dynamics of the relationships that I was living in - even though I lived on the other side of the country for this last 16 years!

It enabled me to have the space to see how every relationship I had been in since (intimate) was a deep reflection of this not having my needs met when I was growing up (in the way that I personally needed them). For all this time, I had and have been seeking my needs to be met - through relationships, when no one, not even family, could fill that hole for me. 

I remember being 26-28 years old, when I began waking up to the fact of how much I still relied on my family, even after leaving home 10 years prior at this time. I was still ringing everyday for advice when they had no idea of the concepts let alone the life I was trying to create over here. I was still ringing, asking for money, asking for advice on ridiculous house things - however, looking back, I see that was my way of connecting to them. Asking garden advice as they were avid gardeners. Or asking my grandmother to buy me an ironing board and iron, because as a kid, that is all I remember her doing (well mostly!) and so, I guess I just saw her as the one to ask for such things! 

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I didn't even know I was still playing into those dynamics until the shocking wake ups came. Then 6 years later - how they really felt about me once I was still sharing my heart so open and vulnerably with them - because I had FINALLY found what I was doing in life and super making it, totally broke my heart, and yet... the broken open rawness... is what shifted me to where I am today. 

Through all of this, was unconscious patterns playing out. #ofcourse. 

If I didn't take the time away from any intimate relationship for quite some time, if I didn't say no to friend catch ups, family gatherings and stopping talking completely to many, many people and ONLY spoke to my mentors, there is no way I would've come to the place I am at now. 

I am definitely not perfect, but I also know this past 1-2 years of solidarity of self and not speaking to a soul except my mentors, clients and soulmate tribe, I just wouldn't have shifted through facing what growing up co-dependent really meant. 

If you are reading this 'at the right time' - know that it is okay to say no - and continue to repeat that no. 

Know that it is okay to let go and grieve and bawl your eyes out. 

Know that it is okay to allow yourself the full spectrum of emotions as you move through the hardest time of your life - including anger and hatred and all the things. 

Know that it is okay to curl up in a ball and howl your eyes out. 

Know that it is okay to walk away from anyone who is trying to force their reality onto you. 

Know that not engaging or communicating with people you've known your whole life, because of the way their behaviour affects you - is OKAY! 

Know that if you have gone back to a relationship that you are questioning right now - because you know deep down, you probably should've stayed away or are feeling the same feelings of why you left last time - don't beat yourself up - just get support from those who know what you're walking through. 

Know that, this is all a journey to you being the super confident, powerful Intuitive Healer Soul that you are - so you can bring your gifts to the world full time. 

Know that... you are loved and deeply understood, supported and totally get you and your crazy ass change the world dreams. 

Just find those people and walk away from anyone else that doesn't support that. 

If you want to live the life of your dreams that is. 

Love, Hannah 
The Life Purpose Queen 👑

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