Adaya doesn't like getting photos at this phase of her life, Dark night of the Soul

Adaya doesn't like getting photos at this phase of her life, Dark night of the Soul, changing Motherhood roles, and the immense single mumming and building an empire that leaves me questioning everything at times 🙄

#sidenote - so interesting... this time last year, the Lumerian and Atlantis energy was REALLY strong... right now - Egyptian and Saudi Arabian energy is strong - this is super interesting to me. Atlantis and Lumeria - the subconscious was/is rising. Egyptian & Saudi Arabian energy - is the consciousness of the magic/intuitive/soul core origin energy of self. This is deeply intriguing me! ❤️

Christmas ended up being a beautiful day for us yesterday, when she eventually woke up. But it was a process to get to this point that is for sure.

With not having any presents under the tree except new toys for our animals, it left us with questioning many things in our lives. And for me, as a single mother processing huge life changes on my own - this took it to the next level.

Now, before you get all sad and sorry - this is not what this post is for.

Before you get all ‘Christmas is just commercialism anyway’ - that is not what this is about.

We love shopping, we love buying things we love. Yet, every time we went to the shops, we felt disappointed from not finding anything that lit us up and frazzled from the crowds.

It made me question, but we went to many different shops, even driving an hour to go to Brisbane to see what we could see. Still. Nothing.

It made me wonder lots of things. The once ‘upmarket’ shops I loved, had lost their spark. Nothing felt so alive and yummy for me like it did last time I went there on a shopping spree. 

This entire process this last month has left me with many realisations.

The shops not having the same feel for me anymore - not being able to find the clothes I love or want, let alone anything else - I knew in these moments, it was because of how much I have shifted internally. 

When my daughter came back from her Dads in February at the start of this year, she had turned into a teenager. (she is about to turn 11 next week) My little girl had grown up, she wasn’t my little girl anymore. It was so significant that amongst the huge structural changes with turning Reality Awareness from sole trader to company, taking myself off government benefits and then her father dropping child support at the same time as he learnt I celebrated my $100k in 7 months at that time, it was so much change.

The one thing I teach, is that change, ANY change, no matter how small or large, triggers the grief cycle.

Well. Have I been through some change this year! Internally and externally! 

And much, at the start of the year, that this last 3-4 months has seen me go through another Dark Night of the Soul. (Dark Night of the Soul is birthing a new you, shifting from an old life to a new life)

I had been questioning my work, I had been questioning every decision I had ever made this year, I had been wondering why and what I had even done any of it for. I was doubting everything I did and said and wanted to give it all up - but it was more of a lack of motivation and drive for it all.

Where had that gone? Where had the drive to build and succeed and change the world gone?

I was being heavily influenced by someone in my close vicinity and field that I didn’t pick up until it was ‘too late’ and was in people pleaser mode unconsciously let alone the sabotage I was also in, that led me into a big hole energetically, physically and has taken a bit to get back on track!

In the changes at the start of the year, Reality Awareness grew (and continues to grow fast!) yet, because of this success I was unconsciously sabotaging it! Part of this Dark Night of the Soul recently has been the tail end, the last part of this sabotage before I woke up to it and made radical and big lifestyle changes.

With not having any presents under the tree this year - made us both process huge changes. Not even presents from the grandparents (except my Dad, thanks Dad 🙏🏻) for Adaya was something that even broke my heart but it made Adaya and I process things, we didn’t even know were sitting there.

Before you begin to feel sad about this don’t. There weren’t any presents under the tree for Adaya or I, because 1. She has grown up. Toys, weren’t/arent’ an option anymore. She doesn’t want them anymore. It is all gaming and virtual ‘toys’ and so that is what she received, including a $450 Valkery Head piece for her favourite game that her father had given her money for… well, he didn’t expect her to spend it on that, and much to his disappointment she did, yet I stood up for her - that is what she REALLY wanted - so why stop that?!

We always get what we want when we want it, so as much as it was just ‘change’ to not have anything under the tree, our perceptions of Christmas shifted in the physical reality shifts from physical presents to us actually living a reality where we have what we want when we want all year around, not - ‘you can have that for Christmas’ and have to wait all year for it.

For me, it was about processing the change that we’ve gone through this year. From at the same time of changing to a company which was just so huge and has only been since end of October/November have I REALLY started to understand how it all works! I didn’t know what I was doing I just did it. And gosh has it been a steep learning curve!

Yet, I also know, in my manifestations and visions I am bringing to life - the company structure is what is supporting these being birthed into reality.

This Dark Night of the Soul the past few months was because of all this change and the frustration of presents for Christmas and not finding anything, shops not feeling like they used to, people not around like they used to be and this… showing me how much I have unlevelled and truly shifting into a new reality that I have been dreaming of. Of course, the old reality ain’t going to be what it was to my Soul!

If you’ve been going through a Dark Night of the Soul this past 3-4 months - check in - what was going on 9 or so months ago from now? And another 9 months before that? These are crucial birthing points where it then takes a solid 9 months to anchor in a new reality that you have been shifting to create. I find the Dark Night of the Soul part, comes in the last 3-4 months of that original change that occurred 9 months ago from now.

You’re just birthing a new reality.

Doesn’t mean it isn’t easy.

Or that you don’t want to give it up and throw in the towel with EVERYTHING.

Or that you don't feel like doing anything ever again. 

But…. Somehow you keep going.

I know those big cries for me in this last week, that I haven’t cried like that for years - were deep in processing the intense change at the start of this year as well as current Christmas stuff. Yet, those changes that birthed this new reality were also coming out.

The shift in my Motherhood role, from needing to be there what seems like all the time, to more space in my parenting, but also me learning how to navigate this new relationship with my tween soo to be teen and how much she is like a teenager already that the energetic space and lets call elastic band is very significantly different to her as a ‘little girl’.

There has been grief around this - just in the change. Ultimately it gives me more freedom. But then also the realisation of ‘what now’ as she continues to grow up and how different she is to me in so many ways, that I am on my own on my path. I have never forced this spiritual stuff onto her ever. Occasionally we do things together but I don’t push it on her. If she comes into it in her own she will. If not, I still love her anyway. It was interesting about 12 months ago she actually said to me at one point when we were discussing things that she was worried I didn’t love her because she isn’t into this spiritual stuff and she is so different to me. Was quite amazing to walk through that with her.

At the same time, this has given me space to realise that not much longer will she be around in me needing to parent her. Some may say, ‘Oh Hannah you still have another 10 yrs or so’ - yet, that for me will fly, just like the past 10 have. I had bumped into a woman at the gym a few weeks back and she was in a tizzy about how much her two have grown up and are not home anymore and out with friends all the time and how she was waiting around at home with the dogs wondering what to do as the kids weren’t there.

I have always said it is so important for Mothers to find their Soul’s calling and work on that as well as Motherhood. (please know there is nothing wrong with JUST doing Motherhood). Just… be okay when you’re children don’t need you as much anymore and don’t make them feel guilty for not wanting to spend time with you. Trust the elastic band stretch, for when you allow it to stretch it comes back. Yet hold it too tightly and it will snap and rarely return.

Total unconditional love, is being there when they need you and being okay when they don’t. It is the freedom to be who you are, with no conditions and rules on it. It is allowing them to do the same and working on your Soul’s passion - showing them, they can do the same.

These huge realisations this past 2 weeks have led me to notice how much I have really shifted, out of my old reality and into my expansive new. With the freedom to have what we want, when we want, not wait all year for Christmas and to deeply align to what Christmas means to us - this break away from traditional society and generational lineage has been freeing and heart expanding.

Adaya and I sat down to an impromptu and intuitively led manifestation ceremony last night and brought forth our desires, manifest not just for 2020, but for our next ten years as we come into deep alignment with who we both are becoming, together and on our own path at the same time. Side by side.

These evolutionary shifts in parenting and in my business, let alone life this year have been the foundational crucial and what feels like final threads of the physical old reality falling away and the energetic and physical structures of our new reality - about to bloom, blossom and manifest in form in bigger ways than we expect in 2020 especially. With what we have both let go of this year - so huge, so amazing and I am so grateful I have a conscious daughter walking beside me as we have re-written, not just our Christmas tradition, but our divine relationship in this physical time reality.

It only gets hard when things are changing.. to become long term easier. Hang in there. It’s worth it. I know you know this.

Love, Hannah
The Life Purpose Queen 👑

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