I had been looking for safety in trying to find a man...

I had been looking for safety in trying to find a man... I had been looking for safety in a relationship...

I have realised this past few weeks with the HUGE shift out of my bones that I had recently... 

It dawned on me this last few days... 

Back in 2016, when I began online, I went through one of the final relationship break ups with my on and off ex of 5 years. 

After this, I felt.. lost reflecting on it. 

For the next 2 years, I jumped from relationship to relationship - which, if I looked with my wisdom eyes now - I should've been dating (that doesn't mean se. x - dating for me, is going out for dinner or other activities to get to know someone - which maybe, is normal for you, but something I have had to learn at this point in the game) however, back then, I would be 100% IN, committed, it's us, what are you talking about? Done, sorted - forever! 

And gosh, what a whirlwind, heartbreak and dissolving of myself, losing myself one could say and... just what I thought you did. I didn't know any different 🤷🏻‍♀️

One could say, I changed my relationships, like I changed my underwear back then! 😳

The huge dawning realisation I had in the last few days, is that I realised back then, I was just beginning online.. 

And how many men I went through back then.. I know sounds bad.. owning it... owning my relationship pattern of going all in, then being devestatingly heart broken when they would drop me at a dime and take so long to recover and not want to be here anymore... 

Is that... 

I always remember feeling like - the man I would meet and be with - we would build this business, this empire TOGETHER. 

We would rise TOGETHER - change the world TOGETHER. 

That I would meet him and he would be doing similar to me and we would combine and join and RISE TOGETHER. 

The big dawning realisation is that, there are a few pieces here that make it all um - woah, so let me put them here: 

1. Me wanting to do it WITH someone - build this business, this EMPIRE - TOGETHER - is me FEARING MY OWN SUCCESS! Me being scared of having a successful business! So whilst I was running around for the first two years online declaring the life I want, why I am doing what I am doing etc, etc and not really getting too far ultimately to what someone CAN do in two years online, it was because I was holding myself back, well, subconscious was, because I was scared of doing it on my own, scared of being successful on my own! (I was forceps birthed out, so I know this has a big play in it to - can't do it on my own - your birth story holds so much about you - have you explored yours?)
2. Is that the Masculine in me, the Masculine side of me - was also fearing success! Every man that I have been with so far - has been scared money, scared of wealth, scared of success that showed up in many different threads, through each of them - that were a DIRECT reflection of my own fears, my own inner Masculine! 
3. In February 2018, I changed Reality Awareness to be a company and completely took myself off any government support, even the parenting payment I was still entitled to, I wanted out of that system completely and did that. I birthed a WHOLE new reality when I did this and didn't really know what I was doing or up for when I did this, it was a whole new ball game. The way my accountant described it to me, was that Reality Awareness is a separate entity to me. No longer could I just draw out of my account when I needed it, it was a separate entity and I had to pull a wage out, pay super, income tax, PAYG tax - phew, HUGE learning curve that took MONTHS of adjustment and a whole array of emotions as I 'felt' Reality Awareness 'over there' now.. alongside realising it, it is the Masculine of me (in a way) that provides for me and my family through a wage and how amazing it is to be supported in this way by 'a man' 'my inner masculine' (in a way) - it was a very distinct distinction of energy which is really tricky to describe, but the energy distinction was very clear.
4. That with that 'separation' I came into deep awareness of the reality of the view of the Masculine that I even held and... the REAL work began. 

Many people think that money is bad... and I could list a length of statements that would take me around the world and back that I could name right now about all the money stuff which I won't go into now.. 

But the reason I am sharing this is that... everyone always seems to talk that money is energy... whilst that took me a while to wrap my head around, for me, money represents the Masculine. 

Now, that can go deeply, into societies patriarchal history and 'why money has such a  bad wrap' many aha moments right there right. 

For me, Money is Masculine. 

If everything is energy and then it is polarised, into Masculine and Feminine (whilst some would disagree, we are still on this physical plane of existence last time I checked with my physical body and life currently living!) and it is here - mastering this physicalreality right now is WHERE THE GOLD IS AT. (Which is what Life Purpose Accelerator is all about - mastering physical reality, WHILST being supported and rising in your intuitive gift, in your own unique way)

How do we 'be spiritual' in the physical modern day reality? 

How do I bring my intuitive gifts from floating around in my head and life in an airy fairy way and still pay the bills?

How do I actually function with my high sensitivity in our modern day crazy world AND stay connected to my intuition, let alone trust my heart, when it gets heart broken and traumatised at seemingly every turn? 

For me, it has been my relationship to the Masculine and feeling safe to receive in that, which opening to receive that - is the Feminine. 

For me, the Masculine - is things outside of me, which is - reality! 

And if we don't feel safe with the Masculine, for me, is tricky to receive that - because I will automatically block it, because I won't let it come near me!

The Masculine comes IN - it is a penetrating INwards motion yes? 

And so - things we are trying to manifest - come IN to us yes? 

So, if I am not feeling safe with the Masculine - then nothing ain't going to come in! 

Let alone, my own controlling and narcissistic ways back in the day, of controlling every aspect of my life, let alone my relationships - BECAUSE I NEVER FELT INTERNALLY SAFE! So, my brain/body/self - kept safe, by controlling my external reality! 🤯

I am going to be closed, not open, because I am blocking it from coming in. 

The opening of the Feminine, yes, requires to feel safe to open and be vulnerable and soft, yet, I also need to 'trust' the Masculine to come in... so I have to trust money and... SUCCESS! Because that all comes IN to me, my life, my energy field - and so for me, this has been a HUGE restructure and relationship shift - of how I view, deal, feel safe with the Masculine - or not! 

So, all the whilst trying to 'be successful in business and change the world' I was subconsciously blocking it in all sorts of subtle ways because ultimately I didn't want to be successful, because I didn't trust that to come in, to support me, to change the world. 

I had this feeling I was going to meet someone in the first two years online building my business, because I just assumed we were going to do it - because I didn't trust myself to bring it in myself, I didn't trust the Masculine to support me (inner Masculine), I just assumed I had to do it WITH someone. To be in relationship with someone and do it together. 

I didn't feel safe to do it on my own. 

But it was never about a relationship with someone outside of me. It was never about finding a man - that feeling, that loving, longing, feeling - that I was going to meet someone soon back then - was my own unconscious pining because, actually what was going on, was I wasn't ready to change the relationship I had towards the Masculine, towards - feeling SAFE in my own skin, my own body - my own life! 

I was always internally running from something, not wanting to face myself, my reality, the inner masculine me. 

Because, subconsciously, if I just meet someone - they are going to save me, make me feel safe, rescue me, THEN we could do life together and change the world so to speak. 

But what was really going on - is that this little girl inside of me was terrified in her own surroundings and that was normal. 

Functioning on high adrenaline of fight or flight never being turned off, because I didn't feel safe inside or outside... so if someone would just come and save me it would all be fine. 

This subconsciously waiting around has 'stalled my success' you could say. 

And it has been two years of unraveling to dive so deep into my bones to shift this out. 

It has been a readiness to face my stuff with support, to receive support, to be ready to actually do the deepest, inner work to receive the light in this way. 

For me, money is Light. 

For me, Masculine is Light (which in the yin and yang, is the light aspect yes?) 

For me, to receive - ANYTHING - I have had to work DEEPLY on changing my relationsihp, my beliefs systems and my beahviours around receiving - ANYTHING - let alone the Masculine, let alone, love, let alone, money - anything at all. 

ANd that hasn't been easy. 

But it is worth it. 

I had to feel internally safe, before my external would shift. 

It makes me wonder, how our world would be, if we all, felt internally safe? 

Do you, feel safe, to receive a man?

Do you, feel safe to receive money? 

Do you, feel safe to receive success? (Yes, I said, receive success, because it is our natural state, you don't need to push and burn out to 'make this happen' because 'it happens' as a by-product of WHO YOU ARE - not your marketing plan, not your sales page content, not your advertising game)

Do you, feel safe inside? 

Or are you still waiting for that relationship to make everything better, so THEN you can? 

Are you waiting for someone to save you? 

Gives a deeper insight on, 'Be your own knight in shining armour' right? 

How deep, do you go for your own Light to shine in the gloriousness success and joy that you ARE?

All of this, for me, also makes total sense why I seem to have been 'repelling' relationships 'as normal' and wondering what is wrong with me! GAME CHANGER BABY!!! 

2021 is looking very different as far as I can see from here 😉🤩

Love, Hannah 
The Life Purpose Queen 👑

P.S. If you're ready to put all your subconscious blocks that you can't see for looking out on the table and shift them so you can manifest like a King or Queen in 2021, Life Purpose Accelerator is for you. 

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