I remember when I didn't know when it was ever going to end...

I remember when I didn't know when it was ever going to end... 

I remember when it was hard... 

I remember when I was scared to step into my full psychic gifts and come out to the world about who I really was... 

I remember when I would cry and howl and grieve and it feel like it was never ending... 

I remember when I became comfortable with grief and just let myself cry and howl and that this was my life and I became DEEPLY okay with that. 

That didn't come without the loss and realisation of coming to terms in those pivotal moments in time, when I discovered that certain people in my life actually hated me. Actually didn't like me, but would be kind to my face and rip me to shreds behind my back. 

The grief that came after the shock - especially from those that were my closest - that is what cut me the most. 

I would have horrid dreams, hurtful, scary dreams and then something would occur, that would make me realise this deeply soul cutting truth. The people, the ones... that were closest to me, that I loved, that I trusted.. how could they - how did they - how is it, that, that is what they really thought about me? But why, how... lost for words - you know that feeling of shock - when you discover someone around you, who - isn't who you thought they were to you? 😭😭

Whether it was someone who has lied to your face... 

Whether it was someone who is deeply out integrity... 

Whether it was someone who said nasty things behind your back and ripped you to shreds, when they were the very people who were supposed to be standing up and holding your ground for you... 

Whether it was someone deeply in front of your face, being so loving, supportive and kind, that.... now seems suffocating and the reality of how their words actually don't match up to their actions and what they said they were going to do for you/with you in your life... all shatters in front of your eyes... 

That grief? That shock? That pain? It is ALL the same feeling right? 

We could label it as betrayal, hurt, anguish, deep, deep, regret - there are many labels - but that feeling - that feeling of shock and everything that follows that - is exactly the same. 

Even the grief, of those that hated on you and tore you apart and now... are doing the exact same thing - that they once bagged you out for - are right into the spiritual stuff... and secretly watch and read my stuff - yes, I see you - every single time you read my post or watch my livestream - I can see you, I am psychic you know. And HIGHLY tuned in to say the least... so interesting right? 🤔

I remember when it was so fucking hard that i thought it would never end. 

Realisation, after realisation, after realisation - the more I came into who I was in the world, The Life Purpose Queen, super psychic, super in tune and coming more and more into my gift - the TRUTH that surfaced around me and the grief = was NON STOP. 

Person, after person, after person, would drop out of my life. It felt like it was never going to end. Let alone the feelings of feeling trapped, like no one had my back and that it was always me doing everything all alone all the time. #fuckinghard. And... I became accustomed to the grief. I let myself howl, because I knew the value you in it - let alone? 

Let alone the POWER OF GRIEF. 

This journey through - BECOMING GRIEF - made me reclaim my power, faster than any healer on the planet EVER. #imserious 

Becoming my grief, my grief became my friend - and still is. 

I see my grief as a revered Goddess. Because grief IS the Goddess. 

She is DEEPLY, DEEPLY feeling and the depths of darkness that is travelled with the Grief Goddess, is something you only understand if you have walked under the forest floor, watching everything going on above it. 

The Earth Mermaid, who swims in the soil, healing and repairing the cracks in the Earth. It is this power, that is reclaimed as the GRIEF Goddess takes you there. 

I remember when I became friends with my Grief - when She became me... instead of Her overtaking me. I remember that pivotal point so much, well three significant moments - that not many dare feeling the depths of. People talk about piercing the veil all the time - but until you've felt the depths of grief that pierce the veil - you haven't truly reclaimed your power. The FEELING that takes you to the other side and back. The first time it took me was on the kitchen floor, when it felt like someone ripped out my insides and I would never recover from. 

If you are scared of your intuition - you are scared of your power. You are scared of FEELING, that is all. 

If you are scared of howling your eyes out - you are scared of the true nature of your intuition. 

If you think you feel, but you haven't gone to the depths that the Grief Goddess, you are missing an important element that makes up your intuition. 

Sometimes you are shown things with your intuition and psychic insight, yet, if you don't know where it is coming from, if you don't know how to interpret the messages you are receiving, it can cause you to shut down or lead you astray to your true message/power/life purpose. 

I remember when it felt like it was never ending, and yet... something happened, when I became friends with... the loss, the constant loss - of friendships, of relationships not being right, of friends and family throwing things in your face that you thought... you told them in confidence of your own hearts pain, yet it gets thrown back and the very trust you gave them, was not only shattered in an instant, but the depths of the relationship and it's purpose thrown deeply out to sea.... whilst you are left standing there, all alone, like no one cares, like you've been tossed out like a piece of left over rubbish, to never be thought of again. Painful ain't it? #iknow

I remember when I became accustomed to the grief and allowing my life to be one falling away. 

I have had and created numerous rituals, ceremonies and cremations to symbolise the letting go of the what feels like zillions of extremely meaningful relationships to me... they left, or destroyed the space we had... and with that - I purposefully and consciously cleaned it up, and walked through ritual and ceremony to release each and every single one. The ocean has so much of jewellery, the ocean has so many roses that I scattered for the deaths of relationships that the people are still alive on this Earth today for. 

Without this... I don't think.. that I would be where I am today. 

I became accustomed to being alone. 

I became accustomed to doing it on my own. 

I became accustomed to people destroying the trust, faith and what I thought we had together. 

I became accustomed to ceremonies and rituals to energetically clean up the dregs of the hurt and properly release it. 

I became accustomed to... the Grief Goddess. 

And from this? 

My intuition is clearer, my internal self stronger, my purpose... clearer. 

Yet, the unexpected gift that has come? I just assumed that DEPTH of grief was going to be here forever - and so I grew to love her. The Grief Goddess is still my CLOSEST ally today - yet, she doesn't consume me, like She used to. 

Why? 

I realised that time that I felt like it was never ending, that it was so fucking hard and person, after person, after person BETRAYS ME! FFS!!! 

Yes, you're probably thinking - 'Oh, but Hannah, you need to look at why you are attracting that!' - yes, I heard you dear Spiritual know it alls out there - and if you have said that - you're missing the point. 

The Grief Goddess is the space where you OWN every single FEELING - feeling betrayed and all! 

You see, nothing really goes away, we just BECOME IT - we INTEGRATE it. 

But if you don't feel it - you won't heal it. #simple. 

The other aspect to this is this depth, this feeling of betrayal - comes... when you are shifting your entire reality. 

If what you are creating in your life, in your world, in your career - is a dream that seems and is soooooo far, so extremely different to the reality you are living right now - you will feel like it is betrayal after betrayal after betrayal, because what is happening is you are WAKING UP! You are waking up and I guarantee you that, the dream life that is so clear to you? I imagine that 1% of the people in your current reality will come with you - that is it 1% IF EVEN THAT! 

So, yes, whilst it might feel like betrayal, the life you are creating - doesn't involve people like that. 

You might feel like you are all alone, that it is relentless and never ending and you are DEEPLY scared of becoming who you know you are meant to be, that deeply intuitive, phenomenally psychic, powerful healer that your Soul is calling forth out of you.

Yet - you know, you can't not do this. 

And THAT, is why it feels like this right now for you. 

I remember feeling this way... and do you know what I have realised nowadays? 

That that for me? Is a 'remembered feeling' - why? Because, I have walked through the hardest part. I have lost relationships, family members, friends I thought would be here to the end, intimate partners that I thought same. 

Yet today, I feel freer than I ever have, happier, than I ever have. Because I have walked through that hardest part that lasted years - no joke. 

There IS an end to it, it DOES get easier beautiful and trust me - the gift in owning the depth of your grief right now, walking with the The Grief Goddess? Is that your gift, will be like nothing on this planet - because VERY FEW dare to walk there. 

Yet - you are reading this because SHE is calling you forth. 

Walk with Her and you will know no darkness. 

"DARKNESS IS MY LIGHT" 

Breathe beautiful one, #igotyou I know these exact feelings. I know them so well and to be here, on the other side of it, it's so worth it, yet, that pain, torture and somewhat jealously you are feeling right now... does pass... because you are walking through it right now and I am damn proud of you. 💜

There is an 'end' to it, because I am living proof of that. It gets easier, flow gets easier, trusting yourself gets easier, building your business gets easier, money comes easily, life, becomes how you've always dreamt it to be and known at your core - even the people that walk into your life because of it. Because of the work, you so consistently turn up to, mindset, soul healing work and alignment work. All of it, every part you are doing it to and for and your why...

Keep trusting yourself, you are 100% correct beautiful Soul. 💜

Love, Hannah 
The Life Purpose Queen 👑

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