Parenting and Trusting Your Intuition

Parenting and Trusting Your Intuition

Oooh, this is a big one right? 

It is sooo easy to get caught up in listening to other people's opinion about how you should parent your own child, especially for a first time mum! 

Just like there are so many recipes to make the same dish, there are so many different ways you can parent. 

But gosh, trying to pick apart what is important to you and what feels right to - then the judgements you feel or the snark comments you hear from someone (usually those closest to you, but of course not always!) compared to what they think you should be doing? 

What I say? 

PROTECT WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR CHILD! 

In a sense of, FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION about how to parent your child! 

When you feel that you shouldn't force your child to kiss and greet someone, even say hello - protect them! Let them hide behind your back/skirt and pretend you don't know where they have gone and then change the subject. 

When your child doesn't want anymore food, don't force them to finish the plate. 

When they are picky with foods, serve up a platter every meal and let them pick and watch how much more food they eat. Let them mono eat. (Why does this work? Because you are giving them some power back in their lives, when they are soo limited and so many choices are already taken away from them).

Let them sleep in. Let them stay up late. Let them have a messy room. Let them sleep in your bed. 

Let them choose their own clothes. Let them speak how they want to. 

Play games with them. Get interested in their toys even when you are not interested in that game or the same Thomas the Tank Engine toy, because you have seen it a zillion times. 

Let them play push you over dramatically and marvel at their strength and wonder how they could even do that and watch them laugh and want to do it again and again and again. 

What does this do? 

It creates CONNECTION. 

ANY problems you have with your child are NOT solved by more control and trying to fix the problem. 

ALL problems are solved with your child by creating CONNECTION with their heart again. 

Talk in FEELINGS to them. 

"Oh, you're really sad that your toy is broken?" 

"Oh, how did that make you feel?" 

"Oh, looks like you're really frustrated with that, how can mummy help you?" 

"Hey sweetheart, we have to go soon, how are you feeling about getting ready to go?" 

"I am really needing a clean house so the energy feels better for us all, can we clean your bedroom together? Can I help you, so we can have fresh flowing energy in here for you too?"

(Be okay with their 'no's!) (If you don't respect their no when they are little - how are they going to say no to drugs when they are older, when you have forced them to be submissive to anything you say so when they are little?) 

When you talk in feelings with a child, you talk their language. 

Children feel EVERYTHING - so when you speak about their feelings, they feel energetically heard and EVERYTHING shifts. 

Children thrive on connection. 

Nagging, whinging, whining children (whilst there are many reasons here), one of them, is that they are craving connection. 

Special time is an incredible tool, that I would not have been able to build my business without this powerful tool. 

What is Special Time?

Set a timer for 20 minutes on your phone, I always would let Adaya press 'start' on the timer - it was HER time. 

I don't answer my phone, I don't fold washing, I don't answer the front door, I don't do ANYTHING but give my sole undivided attention to her for minimum 20 mins per day. 

We played whatever SHE wanted to do. I would not suggest ANYTHING. Even if it took her 5 minutes to figure out what we were going to do, I don't suggest anything, I just be present with her until She is ready to decide. Even if that is the same game, over and over and over again, every single day for weeks. I would still get interested, excited and give her all my energy and attention. 

Without this simple tool, I would not have been able to get where I am today. 

Children feel safe, connected, and emotionally filled up when they have this undivided attention. They are not pining and whining for attention, they are calm and centred.

Of course, there is sooo much more I could say with all of this as, connection can lead to tears when the timer ends, because connection creates safety, and no, they are not being a spoilt brat because they want more you time - you have made them feel safe enough to release pent up emotions and stress of the day, which, just like stress builds up for you - for children, it is 10 fold when they sense we are stressed - yet, even school, bullies, some rough child at day care, a shopping centre trip is stressful for a child! 

When a child is listened to with their tears - empathetically ie, 'Mum is here, it's okay to cry honey, I am listening. Yeah, you're really upset, I'm here, mum's here' - the crying - tears release the stress hormone cortisol and so it calms the brain. Ah, peaceful sleeps anyone?! 

There is so much depth to this style and way of parenting and it isn't for everyone. 

But when you take this concept and apply it to your young child or older teenager and tap into their feelings, rather than telling them how they should do the thing, instead, ask them how they feel about it, then LISTEN and continue to ask them how they feel about it, they will feel like someone is there for them. 

That connection, that feeling of safety and that bond? 

When a child doesn't have that, that, is when they rebel and turn to drugs and 'bad' behaviour'.

When they feel connected, safe and like someone cares, which when you give them your presence even for 20 mins a day, that rebel need isn't there. 

Imagine, when we apply this, to anyone, not just children? 

What about your partner? You can use this Special Time concept in your intimate relationship and give each other 10-20 mins a day... imagine, the connection and bond you would feel, if you did this consciously and presently? #gamechanger 

The key to trusting your intuition with parenting is to stay strong in what you know is right for you and your family and stand up for your child, no matter who the adult is negating what is right for you. 

A child, doesn't even need to be blood related to have this level of care felt when you connect with them by talking in feelings and getting interested in their life. It can save children and teenagers from feeling like they have no one and their world is ending, to keeping them here. 

Ask them how they are feeling and ask them what they would like to do with you to spend time together. 

"Hey _________, I haven't been a very good mum lately (even though you have, but this is how you open the conversation to get them hearing you), I know I have been busy and upset and (fill in the blank). I really want to be a good/better mum to you, we've been through a lot and I am wanting to connect with you, to spend time with you, because I love you, but I am wondering what you would like to do together?"

You can explain that you'd like to do 20 mins/day or if they are older, perhaps an outing on particular days or set days each month are 'your' days together - and this is equivalent to 'special time' but for older children (btw, I still do special time with Adaya, now 10 yrs, it is just slightly different, yet, we still set the timer, it is our bonding 😍). If that means you learn how to play minecraft, or their game or do an activity you don't really enjoy... get interested in it! It will change the entire game and consistent special time, you will notice the difference in behaviour dramatically. 

Trust yourself and don't let anyone talk you into what doesn't feel right about your parenting style. 

You know what is best for your child/ren and they chose you as a parent for a reason. 

Stand your parenting ground. 

Love, Hannah 
The Life Purpose Queen 👑

P.S. Only 3 more days before the FINAL ROUND of Trust Your Intuition closes! 

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It is this solid space that your children and your Soul are calling forth within you beautiful one, or you wouldn't be reading this far. Click here for all the details before this closes: https://realityawareness.lpages.co/trustyourintuition/

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