People asked if I am alright after my post.

The day before I spent 90% of the day bawling my eyes out, I was feeling elated with so much Peace. Gratitude. I had a full week - Soulful week, I am still deeply grateful for it - it held a vibration so high that the day I spent bawling my eyes out was releasing all that is not this Peace and Gratitude vibration in my body, that is hitting deep into the core of my being, embodiment on an entirely new vibration. 

People asked if I am alright after my post. Of course I’m alright. I’m just being real. 

You see what most don’t know is that I have a melancholy disposition. I am not happy all the time. It’s unrealistic to be happy all the time. It’s not real. 

I have had ex’s in the past say to me, ‘why are you always crying, why are you always unhappy?’ 

Sure, some of you analysts out there may say it’s because I have been estranged from my family (which has healed btw, almost 18mths ago now, I still haven’t live-streamed about it, barely anyone knows), that I live by myself or ‘carry too much trauma’ - Yes - I see you psychoanalysts. 

People asked if I am alright. Of course I am alright - I’m just sharing my heart and Soul again. I’m just being real. 

And if it is ‘too negative’ for you, or ‘too traudramatic (that is trauma and dramatic together’ well, what on Earth are you still doing and being on my content daily and coming back and some? 

There are plenty of preachpreneurs who will give you the facade you require whilst you fall for it and wake up in a reality and don’t know what happened let alone they won’t be able to hold space for it for you because the facade plaque is so thick they forgot their humanness. 

Being real, means that I don’t hide the fact that most of the time I have melancholy feelings running through my veins due to the severity of my life - that most people have lived too. Yet, it much deeper than this. 

No, this is not victim state. 

This is reality that it is a delusion to expect nor think that being happy all the time is possible - it’s a choice to be happy. 100%. 

It usually requires:

•  Family and friend healthy connections
•  Adequate living environment 
•  Comfortable or more financial situation 
•  Love and connection with a partner 
•  Health and wellness 

Whilst I have most of these, I also don’t. 

Whilst I have healed a big portion of my family relationships, I still live on the opposite side of the country from them so I haven’t seen them in person since 2013. 

Whilst I share my heart and soul, I see some analysing and judging me for what I share and that I am not ‘doing the work’ which is a spiritual bypassing analogy turn up of the nose energy I care not to entertain.

My ranting and raving sees me firing up my mummy and daddy woundings, my abandonment issues and my isolation reality that I have been experiencing out here in the country for over 18 months. I get it - I should be ‘healed by now’ - sarcastic btw.

Because by whose standard exactly? 

I think what’s really going on is your internal trigger how open, brave and courageous…. How risky it is I bare all and show the world… and still build my empire that is constantly expanding and hitting consistent multi-five figure months for several years now. 

‘She’s still in her victim story and hasn’t gotten the fuck over her issues yet.’

Meh… that’s like telling someone to stop grieving the loss of their loved one because ‘it’s been long enough now’ 😳 ‘oh but that’s different’ they say… 🤔

You never know to what depth someone is going through a process. You never know how far that arrow is being drawn back by the bow 🏹 

You never know what support or lack of they have around them at any given time.

And the other reality? 

I know I am not alone in the melancholy disposition. No matter what is ‘required’ for happiness… they may have all that and STILL have the melancholy disposition. 

It’s not diet. I’ve seen and heard 17 year long raw vegan diet fanatics have this disposition too. 

Upon speaking with a client about this topic this morning.. what dropped in (as it does working with clients!) 

Does it stem from the original lands we walked on? That we’ve found ourselves somehow, leaning into this dystopian dysfunctional manipulative scapegoating nightmare of a cultural so called society? 

That is soooo far what we know to be in our Hearts? 

That the New Earth we dream of and everyone whose work speaks of creating…

Is it not that this is where we have come from? That the undertone melancholy is a flicker of a deeply buried subconscious memory of where we came from before the invasion that wiped our memories… that is slowly surfacing because… the truth can never be buried forever? 🌊 

Yes, sure happiness is a choice. I’ve said that. Get that and we can choose happiness and people like us do. 

But there is an undertone of melancholy…. Just like an undertone of Peace…

That everything is… not one or the other… but melding in and interweaving threads of time that we find ourselves in, in this moment, creating life as it is… with Peace, Joy, Love, Melancholy and Despair all rolled into one? 

Can we not just be in all of it without judgement of it all and accept it all as the Divine Essence of who we are? 

That there is actually nothing wrong… it’s just the weaving of life that we feel so deeply that just…. Is? 

Love, Hannah
The Life Purpose Queen 👑 

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