Shifting fast - for what's to come π β€οΈππ₯
May 10, 2019
Allowing to drop into the grief about Panda, has enabled me to move through it fast, or moreso, the depth of grief that his gift and presence in my life enabled me to heal, deep threads from when I was 14 years old (see my latest livestream is you haven’t yet for more on this).
Is it any surprise that this weekend, I am doing something that.... is enabling me to come into who I really am? Which is... what happens when we turn 14? It it any surprise that the timing of what is happening tomorrow, is the core healing of this wound that surfaced this week, from dropping to the depths of what Pandas gift was to me?
Do you know I only realised yesterday when I was on livestream with my Life Purpose Mentorship Tribe/Group - I shared with them, that Adaya and I had gone back to the shop where we saw the pet headstones but a week before and whilst we were choosing one yesterday, a song, was ‘blaring’ in my ears in the shop, ‘In the air tonight’ by Phil Collins, which, made me freeze in time almost.... that was the song, that when my black cat Sheba, passed away, from being hit by a car, when I was 14 (I was sooo distraught, she was my everything at that pivotal time of my life) that song - was on repeat for ages and helped me heal back then. The chances of THAT song being on the shop radio playing in the shop when we went there to get Pandas headstone?!
When we buried Panda, we placed him in and out flowers on top of him, and I had a flashback, to Sheba, that was exactly how she looked.
It wasn’t until I was sharing this on livestream that... with that song in the shop and the flashback to Sheba - with what I shared on livestream at the beach with you yesterday - this 14 year old wound.... is what is deeply being healed right now within me.
I have been feeling deeply nervous, or something, that isn’t the word to describe it. Yes I knew I had Panda booked in this week, but also, this, tomorrow, that is taking me to new heights - coming into WHO I REALLY AM - talk about core wounding healing, talk about coming into my own, that, we are supposed to do at 14 - when we find out masculine/feminine balance in the world....
Sheba, was female...
Panda, was male...
#right
#gotit
#huge
#stillinawethatsunraveling
I feel like I have moved through it fairly quickly, or maybe it is that I have been too busy too have time to stop, today... yesterday not so and waves of tears would come walking into my bedroom and he isn't there.
I woke up this morning, realising, yes, there is still more there. Getting up and on with my morning, going in to check on Adaya still sleeping, broke my heart again, seeing her puffy eyes from crying and the song on repeat on her phone, that we had listened to driving to the vet and back and that night he left us. In the shower, the memory of just a few weeks back, me seeing a black cat in my office, and then 2 hours later Adaya walking into my office saying, 'When Panda goes, can we get a black cat and name it Midnight?' I had forgotten about this.
It broke my heart seeing her like that this morning. I have 'let go' of having so many animals, but for her, this is her childhood and... if she wants animals, or whatever she wants, that she shall have.
So I 'just had a look' today, to see what was around and of course.. black kittens were there. So, we shall see. Panda came from the Animal Shelter, this time, I am not sure the feeling to go there again, to gain another Panda, gosh, no one could replace of course.
We shall see.
The timing, of it all. Of course, so Divine... His gift to me, still unravelling.
Aslan, our other cat, we also put down several years ago, taught me Responsibility.
Panda, has given me the gift of stability, and being myself.
There is more, that Panda has given me, that, probably won't be shared until my book, or beyond, with that depth of gift, that... has left my in awe, but a deep sense of internal gratitude, that... everything, makes total sense of now. #humbled
Because of all my shifting... this, Panda leaving, the depths of the core wounding surfacing for me, its coming up and out, it has left, it's gone. Gift received, healing, moving, shifting... FREE π
As for this weekend? Tomorrow? And.. what is happening? What... this turning point, is for me?
This... is what... the world has been waiting for π
I thought I was already being me.... the timing of everything this past week, let alone this past 5 months, has led me to this pivotal moment. If you want to see it first, keep an eye out on my stories this weekend #itstime
Are you ready for what’s about to come? π β€οΈππ₯
Love, Hannah
The Life Purpose Queen π
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