Sometimes it doesn't feel like it.. but you are where you need to be

If I took a birds eye view from where I am right now, I would see that I am exactly where I am meant to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing - but it doesn’t always feel like it when I am in the moment of things that just don’t make sense to why I am here, why I am doing it this way or in that way or this way.

I haven’t even known what to write most of the time lately. And yet, it isn’t as though I have been sitting here doing nothing. Far from it. There has been enormous restructure going on for Reality Awareness and I in these last few months and I haven’t been sharing any of it.

I used to share everything. And then stopped because I tried being prim and proper. Tried to only share what I thought was relevant. Tried to ‘be a proper business’.

And yet, that doesn’t get me anywhere. That - is not how I have got to this point in time, in my life, in my business - in any of it. Ergh, how many times have I looped back around to just letting my Soul speak and I feel sooo much better?! And… I am not like them.

I AM SOUL.

The dog attack date is coming up in a few days and this last month has seen me run away from this place more times that I care to count.

The month prior to this, I had long term admin leave my team, I chose to cut contact with my mother, I had my other staff member move house half a state away and I was left with nothing but… space.

I felt so much space… and I felt nothing and everything all that the same time.

Soooo much has been stripped away from me this year - things that I didn't even know could - did. And then there was MORE. And MORE. And with such HUGE things leaving my life and business, no - I was conscious of not asking - surely this is it, this is the last of it, surely nothing else could be stripped away... and then it was... but no - I was not asking but fuck. It has been huge.

And at the same time - I KNOW on a DEEP Soul level, deeper than I am conscious of - but I can FEEL it, that it is meant to be - because I have been ASKING for my Life Purpose. I have been ASKING for MORE. I have been ASKING for my Life Purpose in the fullness of my being to manifest.

Is it that I have been asking? Or is it, because I am now ready to truly receive it that I have been asking? Is it that now, only now, it is coming in because EVERYTHING I have done to date has prepared me for this? For the FULL fulfilment of my Purpose? The TRUE alignment? Not a shadow version?

That ALL of it has been a part of it and outgrown facets that have been no longer required and all has been stripped away so I can BECOME?

In August, after realising and waking up that I had been living in deep PTSD from the dog attack and simply trying to heal through avenues I thought just… they just felt right at the time and yet, months later woke up to reality being what the actual…

I was sooo hard on myself, sooo hard on myself trying to figure out wtf and how and why and all the things and yet… I realised… the weight lifted when… I was simply trying to heal from almost dying, losing my finger and having absolutely no one to walk through this with except my daughter and conscious of not dumping it on her, so… I’ve been trying to heal by myself.

Yes, I saw counsellors, healers, doctors, physiotherapists - all the things.

But the hard wake up in August - the biggest healer?

Was that I realised I had been giving my power away to all these people.

What else would you do?

I almost died and was taken away in an ambulance ffs. Of course I surrendered to receiving help in this way.

And yet, I have learnt, that even laying in hospital, even months of physio and doctors and listening to what they say - doesn’t fucking heal you.

Whilst I still have no use of my finger - it may has well have not been replaced back on, but aesthetically I chose to keep it, rather than a missing finger and huge scars on my legs it breaks me down dropping into it all.

This morning after my treadmill session, I played with the dogs for a bit, as I can’t just walk to the beach with them out here, so I throw their ball. Melia, our beautiful Samoyed, the big white teddy bear, picked up her rope for some tug-o-war.

Whilst I have been consciously playing with my dogs to heal from what happened… this morning out of no-where it hit like it was yesterday. She was pulling and I didn’t really ‘feel’ like playing with them this morning, but I do to wear them out. So I was just standing there holding the end of the rope and she was tugging… and after a bit.. it… cleared more out that I didn’t know was siting there. I’ll spare you details. But let’s just say I wasn’t even thinking about it all I was thinking about my workflow and things I wanted to do today and yet the tears just poured out.

The saddest thing for me is how much it is bone deep, how much the feelings and incidents sit in our body. Of course I have done all sorts of work on it - this isn’t a post on asking for your opinion on what and how to heal - I heal trauma with my clients ffs.

This is a post about sharing how no matter how much work you do, no matter where you are at, no matter how much healing you do, no matter how much you move forward - grief and healing, comes in layers, in waves, in stages and it is so important to honour them.

You can be fine, happy, moving on - and then out of no where it will hit you like it was yesterday… and that is okay. You ride it, drop into it, feel it and then pick yourself back up again.

They say you can’t heal trauma on your own. Well… this entire experience and being ‘stuck out in the country’ and all people that I thought would help, be my side or even care - are no where to be found.

Whilst more times than I can count this year I have wondered why the fuck I am here going through this, deeply, I have known, I am being shown how to heal bone deep trauma - on your own.

The funny thing about your Life Purpose is that you never know what is next, you never know what is going to end up coming from a situation or a plan or path or leap that you take into the unknown with no idea how it works out.

I can’t count how many times I have said to my clients, in my blogs, in my videos, to just get up and do the next thing. To just get up and say what you are being called to say - right now - no filter, no structure, no logic, no sales funnel, no strategic structure - other than what you want to fucking do.

I have built my soul led business, my Reality Awareness Life Purpose business ON this. Fuck knows where along the way I forgot this.

Oh that’s right, I nearly died by the hand I love (dogs). And it’s so funny because the thing that has been releasing the most this year from it? Is shame.

Shame of how I talk. Shame of how I show up. Shame of my light. Shame of who I am. Shame of how I have built my business. Shame of how I do things.

Funny how I had to go to such a dark place to release the cloak of shame and come out the other side into a stronger, more potent and powerful essence of self.

With stronger boundaries, with higher prices, with cutting relationships that broke my Soul…

There is more to say, because I have not let myself speak… how I want to speak.

Whilst I have been restructuring - everything in my life and business…

I can still speak… and… I will.

And I am.

Love, Hannah
The Life Purpose Queen 👑

P.S. We are days away from Transcendence Reality Society monthly membership going away forever!!! What this means is that in the coming days - you will not be able to join on a monthly membership, you will only be able to join for a 12 month commitment! This feels sooo Soul led, so pure, so stable, so expansive and I am sooo here for it. Transcendence Reality Society is the Inner Circle for Reality Awareness - this is where you get VIP Access to all the things, to any course, any meditation and all Full Moon Ceremonies. This is where the content to change your life, thrive in your business and heal your past is right there for you to dive in and create from your heart and Soul - to live the life you truly want to and know is there for you. Click here for all the details, before this monthly membership goes away forever and your only option is the 12 month commitment and maybe… just maybe… that is where you need to be anyway: https://www.realityawareness.com/transcendence-reality-society

P.P.S. We have a potent Full Moon on it’s way. Our Last Full Moon of 2022, is about to hit town and this… will be one to remember, click here for all the details to join us: https://www.realityawareness.com/full-moon-ceremony

P.P.P.S. If you know that this place in Reality Awareness is where you need private mentoring, send me a message to chat, my 6 Month Accelerator is OPEN.