That space in between 🤍
Jan 17, 2023That space in between 🤍
Something I haven’t given myself enough credit for.. is the amount of time and space I have given myself and my life, since coming out of hefty domestic violent and toxic relationships.
Until recently, something I hadn’t really realised is… just how much space I have actually given this - to heal, to reflect, to get clear on what I really want and to become someone that has the capacity to not just open to and attract a conscious masculine man devoted to his purpose, but to be someone worthy of his presence.
For quite a while I felt disheartened, shameful even, for how I went through such, that I ‘attracted’ such heavy experiences in the past. I felt down on myself, like there was something wrong with me. Over the years, I would see people get married, new relationships blossom, more children and all the things.
All whilst silently feeling like I had failed in the relationship department. And yet, after a few conversations recently, I have realised just how much work on myself, space, time and creating an environment worthy of what I truly want. Staying clear, true and deeply aligned with my values and only hanging out here.
This last several years, I’ve dropped deep into myself. Cleaned up my life of people, places and things that are just not where I want to end up, be or head in the direction of. I’ve built a stable heart and soul aligned purpose based business, that is flourishing and continues to expand. I’ve changed my business structure, changed the way I work with clients and changed the trajectory to consciously allow more time and space in my days, in my weeks. This has been a delicious gift, that has given me time to be in my life separate to my business.. I’ve created space and it’s yummy 🤍
Alongside dropping deeper than ever before into Motherhood, strengthening and savouring precious moments and enjoying the bond with my teenage daughter, whom I homeschool. We spend a lot of time together doing the all the mother and daughter things, but isn’t something I share much of, simply because she doesn’t wish to publicly and I respect her wishes more than likes on social media of my private life.
What I went through back then, has all been a conscious wake up and preparation for what is to come. I have had to shake off the shame thinking it was all on me and realise that I probably - no, I know - I would’ve gone through a divorce or two back when, had I not listened to my intuition back then, as hard as it was with everyone pushing against me at the time, I stayed true in deep connection with my heart, my values and the life I want to end up in. Thank fuck for that!
The last few years, hasn’t been in shame. It has been deeply staying true to my heart - even when it doesn’t look like I thought that would, even when it’s been mighty uncomfortable to be in such isolation from the world, away from my self care resources, being out in deep hinterland country living, single parenting and facing myself in ways that I didn’t know existed.
This has taken me deeper into my heart… a strength I didn’t know existed, that I found inside a deep well of love that I didn’t know was inside of me and who knows, perhaps that IS what was required for me to become the person I have always wanted to be and live my life the way I want accordingly.
Whilst so many areas of my life are continuing to fall apart and crumble beneath my very feet, I know deep down this is the continuing of the unravelling of leaving my old life behind in ways I didn’t know were still attached to it. It’s coming in thick and fast, falling away and changing directions that I did it see coming all in the same time, making me take a deeper inhale and exhale smiling, knowing, deep, deep in my heart, that this is all… the alignment I’ve been asking for.
I walk my life with a bucket load of faith, but this Earth crumbling away as I walk is requiring even more faith and that is why I smile, because I know God has me underfoot and this is how I walk, how I’ve always walked and of course it is this way, nothing more, nothing less and all the things at the same time.
One foot at a time, deep in curiosity of the next steps, the next direction, with a grounded sense of direction, of surrender, to Gods way, leading me through my Heart, Every. Step. Of. The. Way.
Love, Hannah
The Life Purpose Queen 👑
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