The theme of self-worth runs deep
Mar 03, 2021
The theme of self-worth runs deep... I just found this, looking for something else and feels important to share right now - right on theme for what has been surfacing, deep from within the CORE.
For I wrote a blog before, yet... it didn't feel right... and so I left it... it felt forced, not right, something 'off'... And then I got the hiccups like immediately.. and knew I couldn't press 'send'.... there was something I wasn't saying... yet what was it?
And so I sat, and I sat and I sat some more, and I listened... what is it I am wanting to say? Waves of sadness swept me, yet when I can't seem to 'cry' I know, it's not entirely mine... so I sit with it some more.. then I hit MY core...
"I stopped giving my Love...
I stopped giving my attention....
I stopped giving my god damn care...
About the people in my life...
About the man in my life...
When I realised what is the fucking point? If I don't matter, if my Love is not important, then what the fuck should I give more for? What the fuck should I even give my time, energy or LOVE for? Why should I care about them? when...." and I could feel myself trying to find the story that attached to the feeling....
I was wondering what this was about... where was this coming from... and so I followed it some more... I dug a little bit deeper, I sat, a little while more...
That somewhere along the way, somewhere along my time, something made me internalise, that my Love wasn't worthy of time, that my giving love of who I am and attention wasn't received nor cared, my attention, wasn't enjoyed, nor reciprocated, my love, my BEING - ME, wasn't worthy enough for them.
So I stopped. I stopped caring about them.
About giving my all to them. About giving a flying fuck about them. But this, this was a little girl inside, a little girl who had internalised the depth of the pain, that she felt when her love, her BEING, her = all of her, was this living breathing being, that didn't feel cared about, that she didn't feel loved, that what she said and did, didn't matter, nor could she even get a word in to be heard.
That anything she said was met with negative and resistance, and told that her voice, her opinions were wrong and didn't matter. So she stopped talking. She stopped sharing her feelings. She stopped believing that her feelings even mattered at all.
She stopped caring, believing that what she had mattered, that what was inside her made a difference or that anyone even cared. She shut down. She stopped. And she internalised feelings of not enough, of who cares, of what is the point.... and welcome.. to the start of victimhood... and growing up into a world of internalised 'not good enough' shame, regret and sorrow...
In turn, creating intimate relationships that replicate this, internalised stuff from long, long ago....
Where everything is hard....
Where you have to 'work hard to receive money'...
Where you have to do it all on your own....
Where your feelings don't matter...
Where anything you say is met with negativity...
Where what you want in life is unimportant....
And consistently told what you 'should' be focusing on instead...
Where you are never accepted by those around you - especially - those closest to you...
We all know that what is within, is what we create.... that what is in the SUBCONSCIOUS is what we create...... and all these past things, get internalised and buried in the sub-conscious...
Until one day, someone comes along with enough unwavering faith and love... and the internalised feelings surface. If we don't know what to do with them at the time, they are projected and dis-owned. Until it comes to the time when I realised, my creations and dug a little deeper even more.
That when that little girl in me, when I was young, and internalised this feeling of not being important, of not mattering, of my voice being shut down and met with a negative comment every time I shared my feelings, I did something that has hurt me for so long... I shut down my heart and built up concrete walls.
I thought it would protect me, I thought it was 'right'. I didn't know any other way, yet, it was the only way I thought I could barricade the hurt and pain 'out', yet, not realising that what I actually did, was block out the love that is only the truth in the now...
My heart felt empty and lonely for so long and I feel vulnerable even admitting and sharing this now... How can I say this? How can I admit this? Yet, that is what happens when you drop to the core of things. And a huge reason I created Trust Your Intuition, so you can too.
So you can stop the patterns and reflections of your sub-conscious in your reality and have the tools, courage and support to drop into your core, whenever you feel something rising, so you know what to do, so you don't go crazy and start thinking there is something wrong with you.
Because there is not... you are just human and humans have ego's and ego's get bruised.
And with your Loving, ever forgiving Soul, that is constantly guiding you back to a state of Love, you have the opportunity in every single moment, to be able to choose something different.
To be able to choose to stay in the same old story, like my 'wound' of victimhood, or I can sit and drop deep into my core and find out what is REALLY going on, where this is REALLY coming from and rise back up into empowerment and Love.
To fill my own Heart with Love, to heal my own source of pain, than project it like I did for many years with a heavy heart I say.
When all I had to do was look within, look DEEP within and grab that little girl by the hand, lead her back into the light of forgiveness, and love and open that Heart back up, for the only pain that was being caused, was the one she did to herself and that was to
1. believe what others said over her own heart (not trusting herself) and
2. close her heart (huge concrete wall didn't help ANYONE) and
3. believe she was not worthy of BEING - can you believe it? That affects soooooooo much!
I am so grateful I got to the CORE! Because, that subconscious core, is where your reality is being created from, and a huge reason I created Trust Your Intuition, so you have the capabilities to get into you core, anytime you feel something surfacing and can go in there at the drop of a thought and explore consciously, what is going on, what needs to be shifted and changed (a few concrete walls being knocked down perhaps?!) and rising back into the feelings of Love.
You know you are worthy of great love right? If you answered no, then babe, you need to get into Trust Your Intuition. It is BUILT in the Solar Plexus, the seat of your self worth, self esteem, believing and trusting yourself. You know you are worthy of BEING?
You better believe it!
Right now, old patterns and choices are being made about what it is that YOU want and what isn't and what you need to do to make things happen with what you WANT. Not what someone else's influence have you 'want'.
Not settling anymore, not putting oneself last, has been big on the agenda and with all the shifts and changes and has been what has triggered this deep CORE exploring for myself, it feels like a #choicepoint of what you really want - and believing in yourself enough with an extra huge dose of Radical Self Love, that it is possible.
The intensity and the extreme highs and lows of April last year and ever since, are being fed by your #choicepoints in every single moment... which are you choosing? Which are you riding?
Which reality - are you STEPPING INTO FROM THIS MOMENT FORTH?
Ride the radical self love wave....
Ride the radical forgiveness wave.....
Ride the radical self care wave....
What if, I chose radical self care?
What if, I chose radical forgiveness?
What if, I chose radical self love?
What would your day look like then?
What would your choices look like then?
Make this your priority, in every #choicepoint you decide. Do you need to dig a bit deeper?
Love, Hannah
The Life Purpose Queen 👑
P.S. Trust Your Intuition Doors are OPEN!!!
THIS is where all the 'how to dig deep' and empower yourself and create the life you really want, even if you think you can't get it right now, this is your 'how'.
Click here to enrol now for Trust Your Intuition, as Early Bird is open now: https://realityawareness.lpages.co/trustyourintuition/
Author
