This time, 8 years ago...

This time, 8 years ago - I was about to move home, to Perth. Where my family is. I had lived in Queensland, with no family for 12 years at that time. I had a daughter who at the time was 3 years old and everyday I questioned what I was doing, living on the other side of Australia raising my daughter alone with no family around.

The only thing that kept me ‘stuck’ was that her father lived close by, yet that didn’t stop me. I was looking at rentals and was going to move home I had decided.

Two weeks passed and as our Summer morning ritual continued, we went to the beach in the pram as I had no car at the time as this was peak time of me choosing to not have a car that my ex had given me and was somewhat his ‘control’ over me. I had chosen to release any hold that he had over me and giving his car back and going carless, catching the bus everywhere with my then 3 year old daughter in the pram was what I was willing to do. I was willing to do whatever it took to get my freedom back.

Going to the beach, when we returned to the bike racks to go home, there in Adaya’s bike basket, was a note, Dinner? With a phone number. Of course I messaged it and it was like a whole new world had opened up. Me in my co-dependency days - this was the start of the 5 year on and off relationship that woke me up to the depth of awareness that I have today. But. Hell and back? Gosh. Understatement.

Why am I even bringing this up?

Because as I sit here on Christmas Eve that is ‘supposed to be happy’ (by whose standard fuck knows!), feeling like everything is on top of me and deeply questioning why, it is this that has surfaced.

It smack me in the face on Sunday night and perhaps I wasn’t ready to face it but it hit me hard and today, realising I have this pile or resentment going on underneath my anger - I realised I have sooo much resentment towards my ex of this 5 yr on and off space still! #huge.

Resentment for keeping me here. I was about to move home to be with my family! Yet, I chose to stay here because I met him and we were supposed to live happily ever after, instead I went through the most hell in my life I have ever been through with him.

Yep, of course, it woke me up and all this good stuff has occurred from staying in Queensland and not moving back home to be with my family.

Ultimately it is always good. Yet, I am sharing because this is what I do best and I am tired of not letting my Heart speak freely like I used to.

What sat on the surface of this though - that dropped me into this resentment, that is ‘because my ex made me stay here’ - of course this is my choice and blame doesn’t get anyone anywhere but to be authentic I needed to get this thread out.

The surface?

The fact that I am heartbroken about my family. That… the ‘purpose’ of me staying in Queensland, which the Universe didn’t show me until January 2018 - that - if I had’ve moved home to Perth to ‘be closer to my family’ (it is a 5 hour flight from one side of Australia to the other) there is NO WAY I would’ve built my empire online like I have. I see that now when the Universe showed me that clearly in January 2018 - that after 16 years of living here questioning why I was here - I finally had my answer.

There is no way, I would be changing the world with my powerful content, courses and consciousness that streams through me in my work that I am being guided to create in the world.

There is no way Trust Your Intuition would be born - that is so powerful several of my students even have Trust Your Intuition and our tribe tattoo - tattooed on them! #nextlevel #humbled It is that powerful and life changing what I teach in here - they were compelled to get Trust Your Intuition tattooed (tribe tattoo) on themselves because of the content and philosophy that is shifting the world, let alone their own lives.

Yet, the current heart break that hit me, is how my family have disowned me because I have built my business. In the first 3 years online, it would be constant, ‘stop doing this psychic shit, get a real job, stop this nonsense’.

It broke my heart.

Yet, what broke me even more was the reality of how they really felt about me. This. Still. Today. Breaks my fucking heart.

I guess I bury myself in work.

I guess that is how I deal with it, in a way.

I guess, that on events like Christmas it ‘hits home’ more - about the reality of what they really think about me and what I am doing in my business which, by the way, since I hit my $100k mark back in February this year, that have seemed to have not spoken a word about telling me to ‘not do this psychic shit’. They don’t seem to say that anymore.

Yet, I also don’t hear from them at all, apart from the occasional text here and there.

WHICH - is also a reality I have CHOSEN.

I have CHOSEN to live on the other side of Australia from them.

I have CHOSEN to not pick up the phone and say hi how are you going.

Why?

Because every time I have in the past few years of building this empire that my Heart and Soul called me to - would just be negativity on don’t do that Hannah.

No support, no, oh well done, how are you feeling, no… nothing. Just negativity and don’t do that.

So of course, I chose to not have that infiltrating into my life at this time, this past few years, in this crucial phase of building what I have and am right now.

What is getting me through it? Is that I KNOW in my Heart and Soul this lack of communication is not forever. I CHOSE to not speak to them right now because it was only negativity to the max and then bitching behind my back which as a psychic empath I feel the reverberations whether I was on the other side of the WORLD let alone country.

I CHOSE to cut out of my life ANYONE who would pull me down about my work.

Hence why my ex is my ex as well.

I have chosen to isolate myself during this past 3 years especially yes, as more and more truth came out from the people closest to me of them telling me how they really felt about me. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt my Heart. It actually is the most excruciating heart break that I have ever felt. The ones closest to you - tearing you apart. Wtf is with that?! #nomore

It doesn’t mean that I don’t break down in tears at the choices I have made because I ‘have no choice but to follow my heart’ and that means leaving unhealthy and toxic negative ass relationships that do not support my vision or even my words, let alone listen and try and understand. I choose not to abandon myself anymore by engaging in relationships that drag me down and tear me apart.

As I move into 2020 - I have also chosen no more isolation.

I have chosen to surround myself with people who lift me up, rather than tear me down.

I have chosen to create a reality that is full of beautiful, loving women who support me and encourage me with my big ass visions and dreams let alone are also building the same, that are not full of jealously and resentment as I continue to rise..

I have chosen to repair my broken heart and continue to let it be deeply open and vulnerable in all areas of my life…

And part of this choosing - is the deep painful realisation at how much I have shut myself down because of these past experiences that have led me here in the first place.

I am so grateful for this resentment being smack bang awakened in my face on Sunday night, for I am NOT taking this with me into 2020.

8 years ago, my now ex, first asked me to dinner and let alone raising my standards that I will not be asked out on a date via a note because he is too shit scared to talk to my face, kept me here - so I could build my online empire, that began in mid 2016.

Almost 4 years later, with much blood, sweat and tears, the most excruciating heart break one has ever felt, I now have a solid platform and foundation to do what my Heart has always called me to do and was the entire reason I ended up in Queensland 17 years ago was to live a freedom life, doing what I want, when want.

With my online Empire rapidly scaling to $1M/yr, I have built the solid foundation to enable me to do so. I see how much the ‘Universe kept me here’ - because this, is actually what my Soul had been asking for all along.

So with this resentment leaving my system through this awakening of what has been going on underneath the surface of my Heart break that has been cracking me open for over a week now, layers upon layers, upon layers… my commitment to RISE and OPEN to LOVING, SUPPORTIVE, relationships in 2020 - of course this had to come out of my system.

Because it has even been a process for me to 1. Believe that was even possible and 2. Actually let that in!

Loving, supportive, encouraging relationships into my life and heart with people who actually get my vision and enrage me to bring it to fruition?

Of course my entire life, let alone the past few years has had to purge out of my system, because I have actually never felt that in my entire life.

I have had to open my Heart - to myself, and to others to actually let that in. I have had to be vulnerable and stay open and vulnerable even in my deep triggers.

This has been a huge step up for me and of course this resentment has purged out - because I have opened when it has felt soooo uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Yet, I have had to do so, because I am wanting deep, loving, supportive relationships in my life in 2020 to accelerate my deep purpose work and so I have had to open and turn up in ways, I have never done before.

I chose to rise and this is what is has taken.

I will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes.

Including opening my heart, deeply and in more vulnerable ways than I ever have done before.

It feels better this way. And is completely new to me at the same time.

I choose to be deeply, widely open hearted. I choose to be courageously vulnerable. Every. Step. Of. The. Way.

And I am so grateful for that.

Love, Hannah
The Life Purpose Queen 👑

P.S. Part of me crazily trusting my intuition to the max - is how every single step of my online empire has been built.

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